In my own eyes

prison

Son, you can be anything that you wanted to be; that’s what Daddy said

But to do that I needed to learn so he took me to school

There they taught me that education is the key

I observed that it was cloaked in books so I buried myself in ‘em,

All these years, I read, I recite and I re-count

However, I’m yet to answer my spawn’s questions

Where did God come from?

So I learnt to read, write and to compose

And from it I drew my greatest inspiration

In the wake of the night you can find me

In my isolated room

Lost in my poetic thoughts

I’m still writing this story that never ends

I’ve often likened my body to a cell

Largely because for some reason I can’t seem to make out my front door

Yet for some reason I can barely afford to live in it anymore

Ordinarily because of its location; A world of endless odds,

At dawn I turn on my lights and I become some sort of skyline that people envy

They assume that living here must be a privilege regardless of how defeated and beaten up I appear to be

Or how these walls seem like they want to crumble!

Daily, I make sure that my rent is paid

By taking in at least three meals

A few glasses of water;

A few hours of sleep

I exercise from time to time but the doctor said that I have to make it a habit

And just when I thought that that was enough

He said I have to eat more fruits and vegetables

I have to purge away negativity

In an effort to make sure that my rent is paid I have a regular 8-5 job,

I spend most of my time holed up in the office

Never stopping long enough to go out and have some fun.

Over the weekends, I’m all over running errands;

Making more money just to pay my rent

Seems like the cost of living in this apartment goes higher everyday

But besides my busy schedule I still find time to feed my addiction

In my nighttime turmoil I’m at it again

Putting my poetic thoughts on a piece of paper

Scribbling in my rhyme book in an secluded chamber

In my musing I came to the realization that I had a roommate

Or maybe he was always there

And just like I have always done

I started writing about him the best way that I know how

I observed that day by day he was occupying more space

He would push my loved ones away when he was in control

He made me feel hopeless and helpless

He was responsible for my lost interest in friends, activities, and things that I used to enjoy

He made me feel tired all the time, I would have sleepless nights and my appetite was poor

He made sure that I had a hard time concentrating and I couldn’t control my pessimistic thoughts, no matter how hard I tried

He convinced me that no one cared and he constantly reminded me that the pain was too much to bear

Since he came my friends said that I’d become more irritable,

I’m short-tempered, and aggressive

He became my dirty public secret that alcohol couldn’t drive away,

Sex couldn’t make okay;

Often times I would find myself on different beds, different drugs, different prescriptions

My brain is my work, but I am failing to control it

They said I struggle with depression

@smuchendu

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