Underneath these broken pieces

I
I wish I was there
When they said it wasn’t surgical
Empathetic but they had to be original
And tell you it was terminal
Underneath these broken pieces there’s a heart
That never stops caring!

II
All these years of loving him
And this is what we get?
I cried, why do good people die!
With a smile you said that it only happened once!
And I thought you were in denial
Yet underneath these broken pieces there’s a heart
That never stops hoping

III
I don’t know what the answer is
But I know what it isn’t
It can’t be that God doesn’t care
And just cos you don’t know the answer
Doesn’t mean there isn’t one
Underneath these broken pieces there’s a heart
That never stops wondering

IV
What if …
God’s plan for the pain isn’t for us to skip it
What if …
The only way out is going through it
What if …
He gives a purpose to it
What if …
In the end we’ll see his face in it
Underneath these broken pieces there’s a heart
That never stops fighting

V
This maybe the last breath I take
Today maybe the last time I wake
All I know, God makes no mistakes
And it’s okay, I’m where I need to be
Underneath these broken pieces there’s a heart
That never stops loving!

Muchendu

Too familiar

It feels like a horrible accident
Everything’s lost in the incident

Every bone in me aches
Every hope in me shakes

Like my soul’s faded away
Every bit of me’s lost in decay

The expression’s eminent
Yet the words won’t come out

I’m reaching out, can you hear?
I’m giving up, are you here?

Behind this stoic exterior
The pain is just too familiar

Gasping for breath
Sinking in this depth

I used to walk by faith
Now I hitchhike with death …

In God I believe

 

I have always been a believer

believerin a truine God

Even in my darkest hour

Or when clothed in tangible fear

Through and through in my despair

I still believe!

There’s been occasions

More like seasons (if you think about it)

When I struggled with doubts

And my faith was shaken to it’s core

I still knew with absolute certainty

That God was lovingly present in my life

I accept that life is in it’s own way unfair

Still waters can be elusive

But still my belief in a just God

Remains unwavering

To me denying God’s existence …

Translates to denying my own existence

God for a day

If you were God for a day

Would you make a world like this?

One where everything needs everything else

One where we all enter innocent

… bloody

… blameless and clueless

 

Would you create man …

Forty weeks in the making

Nine months undertaking

Would you give man so much freedom?

Bestow him with free will

Free to the extent that he can choose …

To believe in you

… Or not

Free enough to reject you

… to your face

Free to a point of being selfish

… man eat man society

Where the rich gets richer

And the poor man has no one to feed him

 

Would you make rivers flow

… from mountains downstream

Only for man to polute them

Deposit industrial waste in your streams

Then place the blame on you

… for cholera, typhoid, dysentery 

for all his poor choices

… the consequences

 

If you were God for a day

Would the devil freely roam?

Would hurricanes be

How about earthquakes

… landslides

… farmine

… deseases

… drought

 

Would you give you own life

For an evil generation?

See your own creation crucify you like a crook

Like a sheep watch ’em lead you to the slaughter

Despice you, reject you, esteem you not?

Would you be wounded for their crimes?

Crushed for their iniquities

Labelled a man of sorrows

 

Would you call them your children?

Friends maybe?

Branches stemming from you?

Justified and redeemed?

More than conquerors?

Heirs with you son?

Would you call them saints?

A new creation?

Holy and blameless?

If you were God for a day

Would you save mankind?

God’s plan

Though I’m only a human
In my days I’ve known pain
Ever since this rain began
I tend experience fights in my brain
But I know that God’s got a plan

Though I smile, I grin, and I maintain
I admit, some of the fear remain
I go thru stuff that’s hard to explain
At times I run but I can’t escape the rain
But I’m convinced, its not in vain
Cos God’s got a plan

I might walk on streets that are mean
I might carry the weight of a clan
Might be lost in a synthetic ocean
Might have cried to exhaustion
Might even be running from the bogeyman
All in all I know, God’s got a plan

@muchendujnr

Pressing on

I’ve buried many secrets under my skin
They’re probably the reason why I’m so thin
Yet no matters how much I burn
I press on!

I take my time before I open my heart
Can’t count the number of times it’s been hurt
So I choose my friends as if I’m facing a threat
And I press on!

Is my burden more than I can bear?
Is my struggle all about fear?
My blood drifts like that of a wounded deer!
But still I press on!

I’ve learnt to hold on to Christ’s ties that bind
By forgetting that which lies behind
And pressing on towards what lies ahead
I press on!

Philipians 3:14

Self talk

I find it healthy to convesate with myself…
Through it I deal with voices in my head
From the choices that I dreaded choosing
To being able to see my life flash Infront of my eyes
I see how my lust for cars, cash, and worldly stuff has had me suffer and my scars run deep ..
And the system’s still applying more pressure
At quiet times I contemplated giving up
Even toyed around with suicidal thoughts
But I’ve got mad dreams, kids and bills
So I run to what I know
My pen is my ecstasy
So I scribble my fears on plain white sheets
I wipe my tattooed tears on white napkins
I drown it all the best way I know how to
With words on my pad I puff it all away
I remind myself that I owe it to mysey to never make the same mistakes
Moving with a change of pace,
In my head I’m a fighter,
My words sparks up the lighter
My soul is a fluid
My load is getting lighter
Another peaceful moment is lost,
But I still need to be straight
I say to myself, son, take one deep breath,
Down on one knee,
I whisper a simple prayer to my God
Thanks for this far
Please forgive me for my life of sin
I beg for Thy forgiveness
I’m back on the right track, I’m finally found!

@muchendujnr

Personal Quest

Most times in my quest to know you
I close my eyes and get lost in my imagination
I imagine myself a coroner
With my lifeless body lying on the operating table
I cut it into pieces
Every part
Every organ
I dissect it, take a step back and observe
In it I see it all
My glitter
My ribbons
The awesome magic behind it
Who would do it?
Who is this that cares for someone like me that much to do this
Take his time and put all these pieces together?
In perfect harmony
The thoughts, the feelings, the memories
The pain, the gain, the strain
The secrets, regrets, the present the prospects
And I’m surprised you know it all and you love me all the same
Cos if they knew half of it
They wouldn’t feel the same
So I take a step back and process it all …
With all this information
Found in me
That nobody else tries to find
Cos nobody else cares to look for it
It’s dawns on me that
Figuring out who you are
Is probably the only thing that nobody else can do for me but me

@smuchendu

Divorce

Started off like a lil town marriage
Lovely wife and life, then baby carriers
Innocent words were heard
Promise me you’re gon stack
Promise me you’ll gon ball
Promise me you’ll invest
Three fourths of it all, you ask why?
So that the kids can have some cheese, Wealth was the word!
…
Now they’re stars and all,
Success of course
High like a Hollywood cola
He’s not a drug dealer
She ain’t a junkie neither
Who would have thought that this would either
…
I’d sit back and watch em, what I lucky pair!
They were friends, they had it all and I thought no-one could stop em
He was her Johnny Depp, she was his Janis Joplin
Yet, the cutter version
Not picture perfect yet worth the picture
…

I don’t know what time it is bt it’s halftime
Half the money, half the cars, half the riches, Half the time with em kids!
Not forgetting it’s really half!
It’s half the soul and half the heart that’s being left behind!
Journalists tryna burn em, fans all turned up against em
Attorneys all taking a turn at em and critics just wanna crucify em
It was good while it lasted, But
It all ends in Nollywood divorce!

@muchendujnr

Dream

If this is truly a dream
Then I don’t wanna wake up
Cos if I’m ever free
It’s only in my dreams
Only there I’m I poor bastard
That has so much to offer
It’s only there that this pain stops
And I get to really live
It’s only there that
I get to meet my private self
I get to see the child inside me dance
I get to ride wild horses
So let me and my dreams be,
Cos it does me more good than I’d ever say
It helps me live
It makes my broken heart whole
It seals my wounds
It covers all my scars
But I never forget
This is just but a temporary loan

@muchendujnr