What you’re seeing is what you’ll get
This is what life has taught
So what I’ve got is what I’ve brought
Cos’ I’m always on the lookout
Constantly on a picket
Were we ever friends? Cos’ now we’re opponents
What was once love, is now dust
What was respect, is now dirt
What was admiration, is now contempt
And none of this is said in jest
My heart, I’ve heavily guarded it
I’ve lost my ability to trust
I only do it when I must
Only to quench it’s thirst
Now, did you read the news today?
Did they say that danger has gone away?
Cos from where I stand the fire is still lit
And it’s burning up into the night!
…
All my thousands dreams
Are haunted by a million screams
Fading into a billion streams!
Maybe I just have too many problems!
….
This is the time
I’m looking up to you for the future
Oh Christ, where are you now?
Cos everything’s gone wrong somehow!
…
I’m so confused
What should I do?
I can’t think of anything
Anything except you
I need you!
Love..
It’s has always been my drug of choice
Especially when it’s hard to even hear my voice
When looking at my life weary I’ve nothing to rejoice
So I’m making my sacrifice
I’m paying the ultimate price
I’m listening to this inner voice
Heeding to my heart’s advice
I’m blocking all the noise
I’m making myself love’s apprentice
I pray I learn from love about self confidence
Allow my wounds to heal though by compromise
I’m showing myself love for once!
Maybe twice …
But this doesn’t need to be anything, whatever or otherwise!
If anyone was to love me
They need to understand that I’m half introvert
I’m better in writing than I am in speaking
So I pray that this helps …
Half the time I miss the conversation
Simply cos I’m too analytical
By the time I process what to say …
The conversation has moved on
I prefer quietness and calmness
This is often confused for shyness
If I have a way to avoid conflict
When confronted I’ll often take that route
Though I’m not antisocial
Too much social interaction drains me
I prefer to sit in my couch at home
To going out to a crowded party
If I had a spirit animal
It’d be a caterpillar
Safely curled in my caccoon
Missing out on all the action
If you met me among my family or friends
You wouldn’t know about my introvert tendencies
I’m outspoken and loud
I’m talkative and wild
I’m confident and proud
So if you were to love me
Understand I’ll need my shell
I’ll need time for myself
A time that only I can comprehend
Unfortunately, nobody seems to get that very well
At least nobody I know
So if you were to love me
Understand that I am an extroverted introvert
And the introvert in me needs to recover at times
smuchendu
An old man once said that life is short
From then I chose to pay more attention
So I set myself on a quest to learn
I’m learning that I have so much to learn
I’m loud where I should be quiet
And quiet when I should be loud
I’m my own quantum of solace
So I’m learning how to whisper
When I have nothing to say
I’d rather just stay quiet
Maybe that’s what it means being an introvert
So I’m learning to be myself
I have a problem with trust
So how can I trust you?
When I don’t trust me!
So I’m learning to trust in God
Where goes those with broken hearts?
They that crave for rhythmic heart-beats!
Those who’s life needs jump-starts?
How about feeble introverts?
Who carry the weight of their caveats!
They that cry within in their feelings!
Who’s unspoken cries keep on bouncing off the ceilings!
Who is it that can pick up these broken pieces?
Who can erase the guilt of this lapse!
Swivel them from self destructive tendencies!
Calm the suicidal thoughts thats reeve in their engines!
Who on mother earth can prawl in ’em shoes!
Just to have a glimpse of the wounds on their toes!
Just to see the beneath these monotone cotes!
Listen to how their minds struggle with unending voices!
Threats targeted at their limited fortunes!
The fear that creeps in their bones!
The rage the screams in their unspoken tones!
The tattooed tears that that are muffled by their spines! …
.. this is for them
For them I scribble down on my crimson cord
For them that need a touch
For them that hide in the punch
For them that muffle the ouch
For them that suffer the hush
For them that are forced to hush
For them that feel the weight of the search
..
This is for you!
For you I shed a tear
For you I say a prayer.
@muchendujnr
Dear diary …
When people ask me how my day is
I wanna tell them about my battles with addiction
I wanna tell them how I feel good for a little while then I get lonely
I wanna say I feel like my life is a shape shifter, how I am a party that I doubt if I want to be part of
I wanna tell them about this lady who called me an A hole cos she was having a shitty morning
I wanna scream to their faces and tell them to leave me the hell alone
I wanna slap them for not minding their own damn business
But since I’m a decent human being, I’d rather not ruin their day with my tragic honesty
So instead I smile and say that my day is awesome!
@muchendujnr
I find it healthy to convesate with myself…
Through it I deal with voices in my head
From the choices that I dreaded choosing
To being able to see my life flash Infront of my eyes
I see how my lust for cars, cash, and worldly stuff has had me suffer and my scars run deep ..
And the system’s still applying more pressure
At quiet times I contemplated giving up
Even toyed around with suicidal thoughts
But I’ve got mad dreams, kids and bills
So I run to what I know
My pen is my ecstasy
So I scribble my fears on plain white sheets
I wipe my tattooed tears on white napkins
I drown it all the best way I know how to
With words on my pad I puff it all away
I remind myself that I owe it to mysey to never make the same mistakes
Moving with a change of pace,
In my head I’m a fighter,
My words sparks up the lighter
My soul is a fluid
My load is getting lighter
Another peaceful moment is lost,
But I still need to be straight
I say to myself, son, take one deep breath,
Down on one knee,
I whisper a simple prayer to my God
Thanks for this far
Please forgive me for my life of sin
I beg for Thy forgiveness
I’m back on the right track, I’m finally found!
@muchendujnr
One of us want in
My favorite poem is the one I wrote when I was sad
Cos honestly I was blunt with the truth since I was mad
With you, with me, with us and our relationship, that’s a wrap
Cos it’s only you that has a map
A map that you barely ever let me peep
So I never get to seek a leak
So one step after the other, blindfolded I walk
Cos I yearn for that feeling, I wanna belong
So I weep, what does one do when God is silent?
I pray that your silence won’t be long
Cos whenever we talk
I fear that all I do is sulk and it’s sucks
Cos all the hurt I forced underneath is starting it’s shows …
I know that every relationship has its flaws
It’s ups and downs, dips and douse
N ours ain’t unlikely, we’re poles apart
I can’t take it anymore! Dear God it’s hurts
I know the way through, is the only way out
And you keep asking that I trust you so I must
But I’m strugglin’, I’m crumblin’
I lost my faith again
I did what most boys do thinkin’ its cool
Listened to the lies and rumors of a fool
So now I’m in too deep
Hanging on to relationships that don work
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, some of them were special
But you can never make yourself wanted when you’re unwanted
And it’s sad when you rely on someonelse’s touch to make you feel complete
So it’s clear to my head I can no longer stay here
You say you know I ain’t perfect yet you’d like me to try
But it’s just too painful, where’re you at?
Again I wonder, what does one do when God is silent?
@muchendujnr
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